As a kid, I would sit at the dining table with my parents, trying to participate in the conversation by saying things that I thought sounded adult-like, and have them go along, obviously just trying to protect my feelings.
As a 17 year old, I realize, I still feel like everyone around me is doing the same. Math class is a pain in the ass, because I know I’m terrible at it, and so does everyone else. When a problem has to be solved, the ‘adults’ who are better at it go to work, and I pretend I’m not bothered by it. I exclude myself, because I know I hold everyone else back from getting to the answer. In math class, I am the child who is heard, but not listened to. Whenever I say something, everyone dismisses it, and in the event that I actually am right, everyone is surprised.
Gah, I hate math class so much.
I can just feel the spotlight of disapproval glaring down at me. Unceasing, relentless.
And the worst part of it all, is that I know it’s all in my head. That I’m over-thinking.
That there’s just no way out of this wretched labyrinth and I am tired of trying to find an exit..