“It’s not ‘clever lonely’ (like Morrissey) or ‘interesting lonely’ (like Radiohead); it’s ‘lonely lonely,’ like the way it feels when you’re being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.” – Chuck Klosterman
One of the worst feelings in the world would be the one you get from an insincere exchange. The kind that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. The kind that makes you second guess your relationship with the person you were talking to. The kind that leaves you with a reality you try to avoid, one you don’t want to face – that you aren’t really friends with someone.
Maybe our definition of ‘friend’ differs. Here’s mine, for clarification. Friend: Someone you care about, who you don’t simply tolerate. Someone who has your back, and who tries their best to secure your best interests. Someone who keeps you around not as a utilizable pawn, but just because they enjoy your company and they value your insights.
Few things are more tiring than having to earn friendship and according to my definition, any relationship similar to friendship that requires earning is a waste of everyone’s time. I suppose that if you’re trying to ‘earn’ or feel the need to ‘keep’ someone’s ‘friendship’, they’re probably toxic friends that you might be better off without. At least then you can focus on the people who really do love you – the ones who keep you around not because they expect you to be of any use to them or to give them anything, with the exception of hugs and listening ears, plus the occasional wake up call.
The question prevails. Would you rather have a hundred fake friends, or one genuine one? What if the choice was between fake friends and none?
Which would be less emotionally taxing? Perhaps having none, because then at least you won’t have to lie to yourself.