There Exists A Hierarchy.

Everyone has a hierarchy of friends. You’ll have your 1, 2 or 3 closest friends that you spill your soul to, followed by a group of ‘inner circle’ friends that you tell about interesting things that happen and who generally know what’s going on in your life, the friends you can hang out with and that you have a laugh with occasionally, and finally, the acquaintances that you know next to nothing about. 

The thing about the hierarchy, is that no one wants to be on the outskirts. No one wants to be the one that’s left out of private talks, or walks. No one wants to be the one out of the loop. I mean, sitting at the lunch table and having people talk about something you’re totally unaware of while you’re just sitting there confused, isn’t exactly anyone’s idea of a good time. Especially when these people are friends you consider to be somewhat close to you, and you actually give a shit about what goes on in their life. 

Then there are occasions where friends know they’re keeping something from you – they may not be out to do it, but that’s what it feels like anyway – and you can’t help but wonder to yourself, “Am I just not as important to them? Why does this other person warrant their trust and why don’t I?” I mean, I sound like a whiny brat, but come on, everyone feels like that once in a while. 

I beg, implore and plead with those who consider themselves my friends – if you’re purposely not telling me something, or there’s something you’re telling other people in our group of friends (a group that’s supposed to be close), and not me, have the decency to not let me know about it. Because nothing feels better (sarcasm for the denser ones) than having someone dangle a secret in front of you, and not tell you about it when you ask. 

It’s just a flashing red neon sign going, “THIS PERSON DOES NOT TRUST YOU. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY. YOU WERE NEVER IMPORTANT,” or even “THIS PERSON IS KEEPING SOMETHING FROM YOU BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT.” It really just makes me question the foundation of our friendship.

The fact is that if it bothers me, it means I care (maybe even too much). And I know I’m guilty of leaving people out of things too, but I’ll try not to. If you ask me something, chances are you’ll get your answer. Because damn it, I know how it hurts like a bitch to know someone doesn’t feel as close to you as you are to them. 

So there. 

Walls up.

Expectations down.






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