What You See…Isn’t What You’ll Get.

Heartless – Dia Frampton #nowplayingonRyan’siPod

Yeah, I hashtagged on WordPress. DEAL WITH IT.

The past two weeks have been pretty insane. The workload is…well, it’s a lot. Honestly, I’m quite happy that I have so much work to do. I have no time to procrastinate now. I’m worried though, that I won’t be able to cope when it starts getting more intense. With cell and CPG and all my responsibilities, what happens when I just run out of time to give? I can’t drop the ball on any of the above. Do I cut sleeping time? Oh well, let’s hope it won’t come to that.

Most of my lessons have been enjoyable – engaging at the very least. It’s hard to be disengaged when you’re in a class of 15. But man, my seniors weren’t kidding when they said that IB was demanding. I can feel myself being stretched in every direction. I feel challenged.

Then there’s student council. I wish I was more saintly. I wish I was less judgmental. I wish I was a better role model, a better manager of time. I’ve been so conflicted about campaigning for SC because I don’t think I can really contribute anything of substantial worth, but I want to give myself the chance to try. At the same time I don’t dare to waste anyone’s time. How now brown cow? How now?

I was told today that I’m intimidating. My personality swings like mad from interval to interval. In primary school I was a massive bitch, then in secondary school I was so nice everyone took advantage of how I never got pissed at anyone and some even made it out to be a flaw. Now I just…I don’t even know. Teenage angst over identity, how original.

I should really stop caring so much. I mean, I know I come off kind of nonchalant about all this stuff, but I actually do give a shit. It seems the older I get, the harder it is for me to let people get to know me properly. I’m just scared that I’ll get completely screwed over like I did in sec 4. I really never thought that there was such a thing as being too nice. Maybe I act like this because if someone dislikes it, they don’t actually dislike me. I don’t know.

How perplexing.


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