Anxiety.

I met up with Kai today. She was late, as usual, but it’s okay because I had my book with me. We did our whole ritual thing where we go to a random cinema at a random time and just catch the next show there is. Parental Guidance at 12pm, it was.

Kai bawled her eyes out during the show, I could hear her sniffling away. After it ended, we had this conversation about parenthood, and how it scares the crap out of both of us. Yes, okay, we are both very far-sighted people.

I had a chat with my mom yesterday about parenthood. “Everything has to be said and done out of love. Only when the child feels loved, does he or she respect the parents, and only when there is respect, can there be submission.” Mother says the wisest things. 

The future. It’s…daunting. It’s also exciting. 

I have this dream/fantasy of moving to the countryside in Germany. It’s a different type of lifestyle, but it doesn’t sound half-bad. (Minus the part about airplanes and moving halfway across the world, of course.)

At the same time I have to go where He takes me. It’s so hard to lay everything down; to say that everything is at His disposal. 

I want, more than anything, to have the God-given courage and faith to do that. 

 

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