Baby you weren’t the first, or the last, or the worst.

Today was a good day. Okay the part that I was awake for was alright.

59/70 for 09 paper.

That’s a 15 mark improvement.

I’m still terrified.

What if man, what if.

I’m still the same loser that lets “fate” or “destiny” or WHATEVER it is that dictates the sequence of events in my life (oh lol okay I guess that’s God). Why did I never learn to take control of the outcome? To be perfectly honest, I don’t think I deserve the marks at all. I haven’t tried super hard. I’ve tried hard, just not super hard. If I get anything less than an A2, well, regret will be the prominent emotion for results day.

Okay Amanda, you have GOT to stop caring so much about the grade you’re gonna get. You’re such a hypocrite seriously, think about the things you told J today.

OH, SIGH!

 

We could sit around and cry, but frankly you’re not worth it anymore.

We’re drifting. We drifted. Whatever.

I’m just tired. Exhausted from caring so much, from being the person to drop everything just to attend to your many feels, from giving up sleep for you, always being there for you, even when I didn’t agree for a second with what you said, or what you did. And now that I’ve stopped trying so hard, I’m finding my life hasn’t become any less fantastic/any more horrible. The sad part is that I still wonder if you need someone to rant to, someone to confide in, and I still wonder if you need me to do that for you.

Probably not.

 

I will not be taken for-granted. Not by you, not anymore.

I can’t believe I let this go on for so long.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Baby you weren’t the first, or the last, or the worst.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s