Happy (?) New Year.

School hasn’t even started and I already feel like I can’t breathe. 

My a-math tutor just dumped a pile of homework on my plate, when I have yet to complete my other school assignments, so I tell him honestly, I doubt I’ll be able to finish. I didn’t say I wouldn’t try, nor did I say that I would completely just not do the questions, I just said, honestly, I might not be able to finish.

So he tells me to do his tuition homework before school assignments, because according to him it’s about where my “priorities lie”. And apparently, tuition homework is my #1 priority, above sleep, above school, above hockey, above House, above everything. Then if I try to explain my situation to him, he’s just like “stop making excuses”. So…uh…okay.

My parents know the workload I get from school, too. They also encourage me to be more active in Hockey, my leadership roles and stuff. When I study till super late, they tell me to take a break. But when my tutors say I haven’t been doing their homework, there’s a problem. See the reason why I don’t do their homework, is because I’m doing school homework. I even ask my tutors for help with school homework.

Honestly, I think school homework is more than enough. If a pile of chem/bio/amath/emath questions assigned by the school isn’t going to make me an A1 student, then how is a pile of questions assigned by my tutor going to make me an A1 student?

WO BU UNDERSTAND.

What is the point of giving me 99999999 pieces of homework, making me feel stressed, scolding me for not being able to do everything under the stars, and then telling me to just do and do and do and do more? It’s not that I don’t want to do the work, it’s that I don’t know how to. And according to my tutor, it’s because I don’t know how to do the work, that I must do it. Like…what?

So um, how?

Uhhhhh, huh?

Where do I even start?

If TB examples could help me understand, trust me. I would have a long time ago.

On top of that there’s still my Grade 8 ABRSM Practical in July next year… … … YAY :D

But okay, deep down inside, I know, this is all good for me. I might go properly insane along the way, but it’s still good for me. For the sake of my grades, which is for the sake of the school I’ll go to, which is for the sake of the job I’ll end up with, which is for the sake of the money I’ll earn, which is for the sake of supporting my future family, and helping starving African children in the Savanna. Because I mean, according to what I’ve been led to believe, no one got anywhere without good grades, right?

So yes, it might suck the life out of me, and it might make me neglect everything I personally value, but it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

*INHALES*

I honestly have no idea what I just wrote. I don’t even understand what I’m feeling now. Meh.

Aside from that, I’m gonna address, uhhhhh, someone I apparently “used to know” because I guess we’re not supposed to be friends anymore.

I understand, really I do.

I get why you feel you had to do what you did. I don’t like it. But I get it.

So good luck with everything, hopefully things get better for you. I’m sorry for everything and…yeah.

Do what you have to, for you.

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